It has been an emotional month. My two oldest have finished their school for the year. My little boy isn't so little anymore. He aced Kindergarten though, so there's that!
My beautiful big girl rocked Grade 1. And we (hopefully) have finished all of her testing to determine what letters get to help us help her. We confirmed what we had felt since February, that our little girl had High Functioning Autism (formerly known as Asperger's).
If has been difficult not because she has changed. Those letters make absolutely no difference in how wonderful she is, or in how much she is loved and cherished. We were fortunate to have a mostly wonderful team of people helping us to figure out the puzzle that is my Sweetie. And going forward, we will be meeting even more people who are going to help us on our journey of helping her, and us, help her.
The difficult moments have been mostly mine I think. I have had to deal with everyone's reaction when we tell them the results. They have varied from shoulder shrugs, followed
by statements of support. To some, her diagnosis is merely a stepping stone to a better future.
To others, it's an awful prognosis. I have gotten looks of pity from some of those closest to me, almost like I've gotten some sort of countdown to her final days.
I've been told I'm wasting my time getting a diagnosis because she is perfect, and it's all in my head.
I've had people assure me that there are "special people trained to deal with kids like her." Which I know was meant to be a positive comment, but who exactly do they think she is. Do they really know her?!?
I think the hardest moments I've had are the ones where I realize that this is part of her life story. This isn't a stage, she isn't just a quirky person. She is going to struggle with some parts of her life, for, well, the rest of her life.
And then I remember who she is. And WHOSE she is. She was created by a loving God. And He gave me this wonderful gift in her. Someone who sees the world so differently than I do, that I can't help but try to see the world through her eyes. She has a loyalty beyond compare. She loves to cuddle and just spend time with her people. She values people more than money. She actually saves all of her allowance to spend on others. She knows what it feels like to be left out of activities because people don't "get" her, so she is always looking to make sure that everyone is included.
I can choose to look at those little letters as something that will put her at a disadvantage for the rest of her life. Or I can choose to look at the unique gifts that she was given, and wonder at how she's going to change the world one day. Because I am certain that she is going to make an impact for others, and there is really no greater gift than someone who strives to invest in others the way she does.
The Bible constantly tells us that we are loved. That we are here for a purpose. And that we are to spread the love of Jesus to others, even when they least deserve it.
I didn't do anything to deserve this precious little soul, but I hope I can at least show her a little of the grace and love that He has shown to me.
Heavenly Father, there are so many people out there who are struggling to find their place in the world. Who are wondering why you made them the way that you did, or why you've let certain things take place in their life. Tonight I lift them up to you Lord. I pray that someone would come into their life and show them Your love. To let them know that we are all sinners, saved only by Your grace, and that we are all loved equally by an amazing God. Father, I pray that they would never let their circumstances define them, but instead would turn to you and let Your unconditional love define them. I pray in faith. Amen.